It’s official. Those of us who watch Comedy Central’s fake anchors are better informed about current events than viewers of Fox news. What a topsy turvy world we live in when satirical shows intended to entertain us are more edifying than “straight” news broadcasts. Now that network news divisions and cable news channels are all about the profits, a well-informed populace is a luxury our culture apparently can’t afford.

So it’s entirely fitting that the Reverend Billy, a fake preacher, offers us true redemption through his Church of Stop Shopping. If you’re not familiar with Reverend Billy, you will be soon, when Morgan Spurlock’s What Would Jesus Buy? hits the theaters. Reverend Billy’s companion book by the same name warns of the impending “Shopacolypse:”

"Now children, we are all Shopping Sinners. Each of us is walking around in a swirl of gas and oil, plastics and foil. We should all hit our knees and weep and confess together. We are not evil people, but somehow we have allowed the Lords of Consumption to organize us into these mobs that buy and dispose, cry and reload…"

Kurt Vonnegut was less forgiving of our wasteful ways, telling Jon Stewart back in 2005, “I think we are terrible animals, and I think our planet’s immune system is trying to get rid of us, and should.”

But Reverend Billy’s message to Stop Shopping and Start Loving lifted vinegary ol’ Vonnegut out of his Thinking Man’s Andy Rooney routine just long enough to bless the front cover of Reverend Billy’s book with this beyond-the-grave blurb:

“Rev and his choir now enrapture large audiences, sometimes including me, with sermons such as those in this collection, and ones to which, I dare say, Jesus himself would have said Amen.”

We were amongst the enraptured on April 14th, when Reverend Billy brought his greenhouse gasp gospel to Manhattan’s Battery Park to ignite the Step It Up 2007 Sea of People rally against global warming.

After Reverend Billy got the crowd all hot and bothered about our compulsive buying, Step It Up founder Bill McKibben took the stage to make his own pitch for more mindful living.

McKibben’s been trying to tell us for, like, 18 years—since the publication in 1989 of his watershed book, The End of Nature—that we’re irrevocably altering our environment (and not for the better.) But his Methodist madness is just too mild mannered to hammer the message home with the efficacy of a fictitious firebrand like the Reverend Billy.

That’s why, as my regular readers know, I’ve been trying to harness the power of The Secret to get McKibben his place in the sun, aka Oprah’s sofa. Evidently I need to wish even harder, though, because so far, I’ve only managed to get him booked on last Friday’s Newshour With Jim Lehrer, where he told Ray Suarez:

“I’m not, you know, the absolute biggest optimist that there ever was…and the problem's even harder than you imagine, because we have to do it -- we don't just have to do it, we have to do it darn fast, something like the next 10 years, according to the best science…

Look, the only way that it's going to happen is if we have a strong political movement in this country demanding that kind of change. So far, Congress has been embarked on a 20-year bipartisan effort to accomplish nothing, and it's been highly successful.”

And they’ve had plenty of help from Rush Limbaugh, “Global warming's most popular denialist,” as James Wolcott notes in his brilliant, must-read lambasting of Limbaugh in the current Vanity Fair. With all the brouhaha over Don Imus’s ho-paux, I wish people could work up a fraction of that outrage over the way Rush Limbaugh has brainwashed millions of listeners into believing that global warming is a liberal elite hoax. As Wolcott notes:

"… he has injected millions of semi-vacant American skulls with a cream filling of complacency that has helped thrust this country into the forefront of backward leadership. He has given Republican lawmakers the rhetorical cover fire to do nothing but snicker as the crisis emerged and impressed itself on the rest of the world. He conscripted concern for nature as just another weapon in the Culture Wars."

But there’s a ray of hope on the horizon. I saw it on Saturday, when Tiffany Cordero, a preternaturally self-possessed 12 year-old New Yorker, took the Step It Up stage to declare “A lot of people are thinking just of now. But we won't have a 'now' if we don't focus on the future.”

Why is it that a 12 year old can connect the dots, while doddering Senator Ted Stevens, Republican of Alaska, can’t? Stevens admitted to NPR’s Steve Inskeep on April 10th that climate change is altering Alaska’s environment, but Stevens blew a gasket when Inskeep asked him if one of his pet proposals, drilling in ANWAR, might exacerbate the problem:

“That oil and gas doesn’t have anything to do with global warming! How do you make the connection between producing oil in Alaska and global warming?”

The question is, how could you not? But then we’re talking about a guy who thinks that the Internet is “a series of tubes.” And Senator Stevens was the driving force behind the $315 million dollar Bridge to Nowhere. Which is exactly where his kind of “leadership” will take us. I think I’d rather cast my lot with Reverend Billy’s carbon-curbing congregation.


Oh, how the blue bears begged us to let them join the “Sea of People” who flooded lower Manhattan on Saturday to rally Congress to “Step It Up” and cut carbon emissions 80% by 2050. A thousand-plus blue-clad activists united in an undulating human chain more than a mile long to mark how our waterlines could rise if the world keeps heating up.

Coincidentally—or not?—today finds the tri-state area in a state of emergency thanks to the Nor’easter that’s dumped a record-breaking 8 inches of rain on our region. It’s wreaking havoc all over, the AP reports, with residents from Long Island to New Hampshire being evacuated and several hundred thousand households in New York and New England losing power.

"There's something ironic about the fact that we were down on the Battery yesterday, forming a line to show where the new tide line will be in New York with rising sea levels," Step It Up 2007’s founder, Bill McKibben, told the New York Sun on Sunday. "Today, Bloomberg is issuing emergency flood warnings for Lower Manhattan."

Clearly, polar bears aren’t the only ones imperiled by global warming. As the Sea of People demonstrated on Saturday, rising sea levels could leave lower Manhattan submerged under 10 feet of water. That would make for a mighty soggy stock exchange.

Can you see Wall Street’s Masters of the Universe wearing wellies to work? On the bright side, we wouldn’t need to rename Canal Street; we’d just have to get used to hailing a gondola instead of a cab.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to take action now, rather than be forced to adapt to rising floodwaters? We think so, and that’s why we joined the Sea of People to try to persuade Congress that we need to seriously step up our efforts to curb greenhouse gas emissions.

And, in the end, even the blue bears got to attend the rally; after all, a little ursine urgency can make a big splash, as Knut, the world’s cutest polar bear cub, demonstrates on the cover of Vanity Fair’s green issue, on the newsstands now. After Annie Leibovitz shot Leonardo diCaprio posed pensively on an Icelandic glacier, Vanity Fair dispatched her to the Berlin zoo to snap a portrait of Knut, who was then Photoshopped into the picture to share the cover with Leo.

And if we don’t Step It Up now, we face a future where Photoshop will be the only way to get a photograph of a polar bear on an ice cap. Chilling, isn’t it?


Time for a pop quiz: Who do you buy your bananas from?

A) A multinational corporation that’s given guns and money to terrorists, or:

B) A non-profit international university dedicated to sustainable development.

If your bananas bear the Chiquita label, the answer is “A.” And if you continue to buy them after what I’m going to tell you, I’ll have to give you an “F.”

Chiquita bananas—yes, even the organic ones from Trader Joe’s—have been banished from our fruit bowl ever since we learned that Chiquita executives had given $1.7 million to right wing Colombian militias who routinely massacre people.

But our search for an ethical brand of bananas was fruitless. Until, that is, about a week ago, when a display of something called Earth bananas appeared miraculously in the produce department at Whole Foods.

Was it a mirage of shimmering sustainability? The Earth bananas emitted eco-friendly “buy me” rays that drew us closer.

“Aha!” I said. “There’s no price—I bet they’re really expensive.”

“69 cents a pound,” said the Whole Foods employee.

OK, so not only are Earth bananas grown on a low-impact, socially responsible banana farm in Costa Rica which is a model for the banana industry worldwide, but the profits from their Whole Foods sales all go to “support education, entrepreneurship, and sustainable agriculture in the developing world.”

And, they’re cheaper, too. I don’t know how this is possible, but my hat’s off to Whole Foods for giving us an alternative to Chiquita, because according to an article from Wednesday’s Christian Science Monitor, Chiquita’s involvement with the paramilitaries went beyond merely writing checks to actually unloading rifles and ammunition at its Colombian ports which ultimately wound up in the hands of the militias.

The article also includes a chilling eyewitness account of a banana plantation worker being beheaded with a machete by paramilitary thugs.

Chiquita spokesman Michael Mitchell insisted that the payments were made to protect its employees. "We believe they saved people's lives," he told the Monitor.

If, by “saving people’s lives,” you mean cutting off their heads, I guess.

Meanwhile, Chiquita’s not the only multinational company that’s been accused of underwriting terrorists, according to the Monitor:

At least three multinationals operating in Colombia – coal mining giant Drummond, Nestle, and Coca-Cola – have been targeted in civil lawsuits in the US that claimed these companies paid paramilitaries to kill or intimidate union workers.

Whether any of these corporations will pay a price for contributing to the violence and chaos in Colombia remains to be seen. In the meantime, if you want to buy a banana that’s free of any pesticide—or homicide—residues, look for the label that says “Earth.” Earth to Chiquita: drop dead.


Give a man a steak, and you feed him for a day; give a man a cow, and you feed him for life? I’m paraphrasing, of course, but that’s pretty much the principle upon which Heifer International was founded, and the means by which this wonderful project feeds families the world over.

Heifer ‘s (live)stock in trade is a kind of microloan that you can milk. This anti-hunger initiative was the inspiration of Dan West, a relief worker and Midwestern farmer who had an epiphany back in 1944 while doling out cups of milk to hungry children. It dawned on West, faced with a surplus of kids and a shortage of milk, that “…these children don’t need a cup, they need a cow.”

Happily, West’s flash of inspiration was no flash in the milking pan; founded in 1944 as Heifers for Relief, the organization has evolved, over 60-odd years, into a powerhouse non-profit that’s nourished 7million people in more than 125 countries.

Credit Heifer’s “passing on the gift” concept for creating this impressive and inspiring achievement. A gift of a heifer is a gift that literally keeps on giving, as the calves mature and give birth to the next generation of heifers. This cycle of giving transforms recipients into givers, as they share the offspring with others in need.

Of course, in order for Heifer to keep feeding the needy, the not-so-needy need to feed Heifer’s coffers, which is why Organic Valley hosted an “Earth Dinner” fundraiser for Heifer at Manhattan’s Prince George Ballroom last night.

It was a swanky setting for a sustainable gala, and the food was naturally all-natural, i.e. organic and/or local, and lovingly prepared. The speakers, who included Organic Valley farmer Travis Forgues and the goddess of GRUB, food activist and author Anna Lappé, sang Heifer’s praises while we savored delicious chicken pot pies courtesy of the Cleaver Company, whose founder, Mary Cleaver, is a proud pioneer in the growing field of sustainable, socially conscious catering. As a bonus, the Cleaver Company created a heifer-shaped cookie cutter, a goody to give all the do-gooders in attendance.

As Anna Lappé wryly noted, Heifer is anything but a cookie-cutter kind of operation. From Appalachia to Zambia, Heifer tailors its projects to meet local needs and provide individuals with the resources to create self-reliant, sustainable communities.

Last night’s fundraiser focused on Heifer’s support for America’s family farmers, who’ve been all but plowed under while industrial agriculture and suburban sprawl deplete our soils and our souls. Sustain the family farms, and the family farms will sustain us.

Kind of a folksy message for a fancy fete, but that’s just the point, isn’t it? It takes a farmer to put food on your plate, whether your place settings are secondhand or Haviland.

And, in our case, it took our generous friend Claire, who shares Heifer’s “passing on the gift” philosophy, to give us entrée to the Earth Dinner. Unable to attend, she insisted on buying us tickets to go in her stead. Talk about passing on the gift! Thanks, Claire. I saved you a heifer-shaped cookie cutter.


The terrorists hate our freedom. The Center for Consumer Freedom, on the other hand, loves our freedom. One group wants to see us dead, while the other defends our inalienable right to eat, drink, and smoke ourselves to death.

So if the terrorists were really clever, they’d stop killing our soldiers--who are, after all, dying to defend our freedom to make stupid choices--and delegate their Death to America campaign to groups like the Center for Consumer Freedom or the newest entry in the faux grassroots sweepstakes: The Center for Food Integrity (I guess even the Astroturf starts growing in the spring.)

The Center for Food Integrity is a brand new not-for-profit corporation, whose mission is to “increase consumer trust and confidence in the contemporary U.S. food system.”

“Sounds great!” you say. “Can I become a member?” A brand-spanking new nonprofit like the Center for Food Integrity must be eager to sign up members, you would think.

Or not. According to a chef who attempted to contact the CFI, the number provided on the CFI’s website was an answering service, which requested that he provide them with a bunch of information that they would then pass on to the person who handles membership.

“So much for transparency and disclosure,” he noted, “and funding must not be a problem.” Probably not, since their supporters include Monsanto, the National Pork Producers Council, the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association, and the National Restaurant Association.

Speaking of funding, who supports the Center for Consumer Freedom? Funny you should ask. Apparently, they’d rather not tell you:

Many of the companies and individuals who support the Center financially have indicated that they want anonymity as contributors. They are reasonably apprehensive about privacy and safety in light of the violence some activist groups have adopted as a "game plan" to impose their views.

Ah yes, those foaming-at-the-mouth food activists, those junk-food jihadists with their transfat bans and high fructose corn syrup hysteria; why do they hate America? I’m talking, of course, about the “food cops” at the Center For Science in the Public Interest, whom the Center for Consumer Freedom accuses of “seeking government control of everything you eat.”

The CSPI sees its mission a bit differently:

Since 1971, CSPI has been the national leader of a revolution that has transformed the American diet. CSPI's nutrition and food safety advocacy work and the enormous popularity of its Nutrition Action Healthletter have fundamentally changed the American food environment. Its efforts have created a generation of health-conscious consumers who understand as never before the way excessive saturated and trans fat, sugar, and salt and lack of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains undermine health.

The insidious campaign to make America healthier has another ally, the Center for Food Safety, whose stated goals include “curtailing industrial agricultural production methods that harm human health and the environment, and promoting sustainable alternatives.”

Whatever you do, don’t confuse the Center for Food Safety with the Center for Food Integrity; their goals are diametrically opposed. Wish I could say the same about the terrorists and the Center for Consumer Freedom.


If President Bush knew anything at all about gardening, we wouldn’t be bogged down in Bagdad. Any gardener knows that you can’t grow a democracy by sowing seeds of chaos. No wonder our soldiers are getting shredded by shrapnel instead of pelted with rose petals.

Dubya’s a lousy rancher, too. Every year, his Crawford ranch yields a bumper crop of something called “brush,” whose only apparent function is to serve as fodder for photo-ops. Since his ranch is just another Rove-approved prop, there’s no need to grow food for people, or feed for livestock, or plants to make biofuels.

And then we have the equally horticulturally handicapped John McCain, spreading manure in a Bagdad market four years after we uprooted Saddam. Whether Iraq was ever fertile ground for freedom, its blood soaked soil seems more likely now to only yield more violence and hatred.

McCain’s also having trouble harvesting campaign cash, unlike some of his Democratic counterparts.

But there’s one senator who grasps the fundamentals of farming, and that’s Jon Tester. The freshman senator spent the spring recess planting peas, lentils, wheat and black barley on his organic farm back home in Big Sandy, Montana.

Most Americans have never even heard of black barley, which is a shame because it’s the whole-est of those whole grains we’re all supposed to be eating more of. Unlike other grains, black barley, also known as purple hull-less barley, needs no processing—it can go from the fields to our food with its bran layer intact. And it’s got a richer, more complex texture and flavor than your standard, garden variety pearl barley.

I discovered this ultra tasty and nutritious grain through Whole Foods Authentic Food Artisans line, which features heirloom grains and beans grown by “a dozen pioneering farmers…growing nutrient-dense organic grains and legumes on their family farms in the Golden Triangle of Montana.”

Thanks to the small scale farmers like Tester who are bringing back biodiversity, Americans are only just now getting acquainted with ancient whole grains and beans that have sustained people in other countries for centuries. Finally, we have an alternative to Agribiz monoculture. I guess if you want progress, it helps to elect politicians who know how to grow stuff that's good to eat, as opposed to brush.


The failure to see what lies ahead can have awful consequences, as I learned last Friday while walking down 9th Avenue. I was looking down (contemplating my carbon footprint, no doubt) when I collided with a fire alarm call box that I didn’t notice until it was embossing my forehead. Thanks to the decidedly unspringlike weather, I was wearing a fuzzy wool hat that cushioned the blow somewhat, but still—the pain was excruciating.

Matt tried to comfort me, noting helpfully, “That will teach you to look where you’re going!”

Yeah, well, lesson learned. If only it were so easy to knock some sense into the Capitol Hillbillies who refuse to grasp the enormity of the global warming crisis.

Who would have guessed that putting a couple of Texas oilmen in charge of things was not such a hot idea in this era of fossil fueled climate change? I mean, aside from myself and the majority of Americans who actually voted for Al Gore, aka “Ozone Man,” as Bush Sr. derisively nicknamed him.

Now, of course, he’s “the Goracle,” but it’s cold comfort that Gore’s dire warnings about global warming have been validated by the 2,500 scientists who form the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. The IPCC’s latest report predicts man-made mayhem on a massive scale: drought, floods, pests, severe food and water shortages.

Poor nations, predictably, will suffer the brunt of this upheaval; the wealthier nations whose petroleum-based prosperity set this sorry chain of events in motion are in a better position to weather the unprecedented change in the weather.

But one thing seems pretty clear; the way we live is going to change dramatically, whether we want it to or not. We can radically rethink the way we allocate our resources, starting now, or we can wait till we’ve passed the proverbial tipping point, when floods and famine will force us to face the fact that we’ve irrevocably altered our entire ecosystem.

President Bush, reacting to the Supreme Court ruling that the federal government has the authority to regulate heat-trapping gases, said he thought that the measures he had taken so far were sufficient. And besides, he noted, like a petulant pre-adolescent, if China’s not going to curb its carbon footprint, why should we?

Nevermind that Bush vowed during the 2000 presidential campaign that if elected, he would regulate carbon dioxide emissions. Was he lying, or did he just forget? Once he took office, his administration did everything it could to obstruct any efforts to address the threat of global warming.

And now, leaked documents show that after claiming to support the addition of the polar bear to the list of endangered species, Bush and his carbon-crazed cronies are quietly working to weaken the Endangered Species Act and discourage any discussion of how global warming threatens polar bears with extinction.

So our government fiddles with the findings while the ice caps melt. But you can help us light a fire under their petroleum-soaked posteriors; fire up your laptop and fire off a missive to ask the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to save the polar bear. The deadline is today, April 9th.

Please, take a minute to help the polar bears fight extinction; after all, it’s their planet, too. Do they really have to die for our sins?


May all your eggs be cage free, and your Easter ham pasture raised!


Still worrying about wheat gluten? That’s so yesterday. Today’s suspected pet food contaminant, courtesy of animal rights group PETA, is vitamin D. Excessive amounts of vitamin D cause the same kind of kidney malfunction in pets that vets are seeing all over the country.

PETA’s suspicions stem from the fact that the symptoms are showing up in dogs and cats fed only dry food, most of which contains no wheat gluten. The FDA’s investigation has focused almost entirely on wet foods. And while the MSM is still reporting 16 or so confirmed deaths, anecdotal evidence suggests that hundreds of pets have died and thousands may have been sickened.

The specter of more dogs and cats dying needlessly has PETA pleading with the FDA to widen its focus. In a letter to Dr. Stephen Sundlof, director of the FDA's Center for Veterinarian Medicine, PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich made the case for a broader recall:

"Wheat gluten is used almost exclusively in wet foods. However, the mounting number of complaints of illness and death in cats and dogs who had eaten only dry food strongly suggests that there is a second source of the poisoning, another toxic ingredient.

"Evidence from reputable laboratories indicates that an as yet unnamed ingredient may be to blame, perhaps a form of vitamin D."

Pet owners are scared and confused, and rightfully so; while the FDA is busy banning imported wheat gluten, the New York Department of Agriculture still maintains that the culprit is rat poison, and notes that melamine is “not a known toxin.”

Meanwhile, evidence is mounting that Menu Foods was aware of a potential problem for a month, maybe longer, before initiating a recall. And the FDA has repeatedly refused CNN’s requests for an interview, although it was willing to answer questions from news anchors during last year’s E. coli outbreaks. What’s different about this recall?

And why does New York’s Department of Agriculture, armed with the latest high tech equipment thanks in part to Homeland Security funds, have a completely different finding?

Whether the killer ingredient turns out to be rat poison, wheat gluten, vitamin D, or some other contaminant yet to be discovered, the focus on wheat gluten has raised other questions.

Why does our nation, with all its amber waves of grain, import so much wheat gluten in the first place? Slate’s Michelle Tsai provides a concise yet comprehensive explanation, but the short version is, simply, it’s cheaper.

So we’re stocking our pantries with foreign food products, of which the fatally underfunded FDA manages to inspect less than one percent. As CNN’s Christine Romans told Lou Dobbs last night:

ROMANS: We now import more food than we export, $10 billion more each year. Food safety experts have long been concerned that food inspections cannot possibly keep up with that explosion. The FDA inspects less than one percent of the imported foods that it oversees.

Dobbs heaped his trademark scorn on the FDA, excoriating the gutted government agency for in “no way discharging its responsibility to public safety and to public health.”

I share Dobb’s dismay that the FDA doesn’t seem to be looking out for consumers. But in our free market economy, you get what you pay for. The question is, who owns the FDA?

Julie Zawisza, spokeswoman for the FDA, told the Christian Science Monitor, "We are just tying up investigations now … we don't see where the system didn't work … it doesn't appear from what we've seen that anyone can be blamed in this country."

As Pet Connection's Christie Keith pointed out in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle, though, "The issue may not be that the system broke down, but that there isn't really a system."


Pigs are highly intelligent creatures. As are most people. But the pork industry treats us all with equal contempt. How else to explain this letter to the NY Times, written by an agribiz apologist in response to the growing demand for more humanely raised pork:

To the Editor:

Livestock producers raise their animals under humane standards and under the care of a veterinarian. In the United States pork industry, the vast majority of the more than 100 million pigs raised each year are housed in climate-controlled buildings that protect them from the elements, illness and disease and that allow for individual care.

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, management and husbandry are more important than the type of production system for ensuring the health and well-being of pigs.

As for the environment, the pork industry prides itself on being a zero-discharge industry.

Finally, organic doesn’t mean safe. While conventional food producers must demonstrate that pesticide residues are within established safety margins, organic growers are not subject to the same scrutiny despite the widespread use of biological pesticides and animal waste as fertilizer.

Dave Warner
Director of Communications
National Pork Producers Council
Washington, March 28, 2007

Yeah, and smoking doesn’t cause cancer, either. And the streets of Bagdad are safe—just ask John McCain.

When it’s your job to defend the indefensible, you’ve really only got two weapons: shameless spin and flamboyant falsehood.

Warner’s letter is a brazen blend of half-truths and outright lies. Let’s take it from the top:

“Livestock producers raise their animals under humane standards…”

If cruelly confining these creatures and chopping off their tails without benefit of anesthesia so they won’t bite one another’s tails out of boredom and frustration is humane, well, OK. The Humane Society doesn’t think so. But what do they know?

As for being “under the care of a veterinarian,” what choice do the huge hog operations have when their preferred practices breed all kinds of disease? If they didn’t keep their pigs in such cramped conditions and force them to stand around in their own waste twenty four hours a day, they wouldn’t have to rely so heavily on vets to inject all those antibiotics.

“…the vast majority of the more than 100 million pigs raised each year are housed in climate-controlled buildings that protect them from the elements, illness and disease and that allow for individual care.”

What Warner doesn’t tell you is that the pigs have to be housed in “climate controlled buildings,” because in the quest for leaner luncheon meats, pig breeders have practically eliminated the back fat that pigs need to survive outdoors. As The Niman Ranch Cookbook notes: “Because hogs have neither sweat glands nor fur, they moderate their body temperature in both heat and cold with an insulating layer of back fat…Without that natural insulation, these unnaturally lean hogs can’t tolerate a steamy summer or chilly winter. They have to go indoors.”

Animal scientist Temple Grandin documents another downside to the leaner pigs in her book Animals in Translation; “…their personalities are completely different. They’re super-nervous and high strung.” Grandin cites a Purdue University study that showed “pigs bred to be lean got into more fights than pigs from a fatter genetic line.”

Lean pigs are far less productive as well, according to Grandin. “In China, the pigs are all fat, and the mama pig makes way more piglets. A fat Chinese mother pig will have a litter of twenty-one piglets compared to just ten or twelve piglets in a lean American sow’s litter.” So much for American agribiz’s much vaunted “efficiency.”

“As for the environment, the pork industry prides itself on being a zero-discharge industry.”

Huh? “Zero-discharge industry?” Do pigs not poop? As Rolling Stone’s recent expose of Smithfield’s horrendous hog operations revealed, “America's top pork producer churns out a sea of waste that has destroyed rivers, killed millions of fish and generated one of the largest fines in EPA history…”

“…There simply is no regulatory solution to the millions of tons of searingly fetid, toxic effluvium that industrial hog farms discharge and aerosolize on a daily basis. Smithfield alone has sixteen operations in twelve states. Fixing the problem completely would bankrupt the company.”

The environmental consequences of industrial hog farming are catastrophic. The pollution generated by these operations degrades our waterways, our soil, and the health of neighbors who suffer the toxic stench from the slurry-filled lagoons created by this “zero discharge industry.”

After making the preposterous claims that his industry is humane and environmentally benign, Warner can’t resist throwing in a gratuitious swipe at organics:

“Finally, organic doesn’t mean safe. While conventional food producers must demonstrate that pesticide residues are within established safety margins, organic growers are not subject to the same scrutiny despite the widespread use of biological pesticides and animal waste as fertilizer.”

Warner is telling the truth, for once. Organics aren’t subjected to the same scrutiny; they’re held to a higher standard. Which a coalition of corporations and politicians have lobbied mightily to erode.

Eight senators, all Republicans, “attached a rider to the 2006 Agricultural Appropriations Bill to weaken the nation's organic food standards in response to pressure from large-scale food manufacturers,” according to the Organic Consumers Association, who launched an “SOS” campaign in response—i.e., Save Organic Standards.

Warner, as The National Pork Council’s Director of Communications, has to figure out how to keep factory farm pork palatable to the American people despite our growing distaste for agribiz animal abuse. In other words, he gets paid to lie. It’s his job to take the truth and run it through the pr meat grinder. The end result is this kind of feces-laden fodder. Consume it at your own risk.

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