SEXUALLY CONFUSED FISH POPPING UP IN THE POTOMAC


McLEAN, Va., Sept. 6 (AP)— Some species of male fish are acquiring female sexual characteristics at unusually high frequencies in the Potomac River and its tributaries, prompting concerns about pollutants that might be causing the problem.

Researchers suspect that chemicals and pesticides in the water are stimulating estrogen production, causing male fish to exhibit female characteristics, including producing eggs. The estrogen may also come from birth control pills and human waste that finds its way from sewage treatment plants into the river.

Given the lack of tolerance for the trans-gendered in some circles, odds are high that these poor, confused fish will be ostracized. Will the concentrations of Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil and Celexa that are building up in the wastewaters of our hyper-medicated nation help them cope with the depression and anxiety that sometimes accompany a sexual identity crisis?

A more pressing question is, what are all these chemicals, known as “endocrine disrupters,” doing to us humans? Back in 1996, The EPA identified endocrine disruption as one of its top six research priorities, but ten years later, according to Newsday, the EPA has yet to begin testing any candidate chemicals for their endocrine-disrupting potential.

These chemicals may be “wreaking havoc with human hormones,” too, says Newsday. But not to worry; when Jerry Falwell and James Dobson find out that something in the water may be engendering gender confusion, they’ll demand action. And they’ll say it proves they were right about Sponge Bob.