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Another reason

why John McCain doesn't fit in too well with the Drinking Liberally community : When he was born there were no six-packs.

Oddly, it took until sometime in the early-40’s for someone to come up with the brilliant idea of packaging drinks (”Dad’s Root Beer”, to be precise) six at a time. (The concern about the whole fish-killing thing, although widely overblown, didn’t kick in until the 1970’s.)

So, in other words, what we’re saying here is that John McCain is older than what amounts to little more than a system of counting. Fantastic.

A Detailed Analysis of Obama's Iraq Flip-Flop in Action Figure Form

Laughing Liberally to Keep from Crying
by Lee Camp

Let Them Eat Kibble

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Amanda Milstein

Thousands upon thousands of homes are being foreclosed on, gas is over four dollars a gallon, the economy looks rosy only to the colorblind-and yesterday I learned that Leona Helmsley had left a trust worth between 5 and 8 billion dollars "to dogs." According to the New York Times, this sum represents nearly ten times the assets of all animal-related non-profit groups in 2005 (and I imagine some of those groups might even squander some of their dollars on non-canines).

The article noted that at first Ms. Helmsley had two goals for her trust:

"to help indigent people...[and] to provide for the care and welfare of dogs. A year later...she deleted the first goal."

Trust Ms. Helmsley to have her priorities straight.

Needless to say, giving five to eight billion dollars to our furry canine companions (who, let's face it, really only need some weird meat-flavored pellets and would probably be frightened by a Jacuzzi and bite a butler) is not going to cause a lot of public support in an economy where dog food is beginning to seem like an appealingly cost-effective dinner option. Apparently her trustees have been "frett[ing] about the public outcry," which shows that they're at least somewhat more perceptive than your average Great Dane.

I am pleased to announce that after pondering the question for nearly seven minutes, I have come up with a solution to how the dogs, armed with trust money, could solve the housing crisis: ARFF - Abodes ReGifted by Furry Friends. With 8 billion dollars, the trust could help dogs buy around 25,000 homes outright, or help dog-knows how many families in meeting mortgage payments. The trust could buy the house (or assign the mortgage) to the dog, and give the dog to the people who used to live there. Legal provisions would have to be made so that when the home-owning dog (who would, of course, be required to pay any relevant taxes and mortgage payments out of trust money) died, the home would go to the people, and not, say, the yellow lab next door. That would just be absurd.

The John McCain Comedy Jaunt

A little look into our recent John McCain themed Laughing Liberally Show, with Cliff Schecter author of "The Real McCain" and Paul Waldman author of "Free Ride".

John McCain is Definitely NOT Laughing Liberally

As we noted before in the Blogging Liberally Daily Digest, John McCain made quite the "Hey, let's kill all the Iranians," joke on Tuesday. Here's the video:

Matt Yglesias raises an interesting point:

When you look at something like the AP's covering for John McCain as he embarrassingly jokes about his desire to kill Iranian civilians, it's worth considering how the AP would have reported this if the shoe were on the other foot. Ahmadenijad makes a "joke," at a political rally, about killing Americans. Soft-focus human interest story? I doubt it. Heck, what would John McCain's reaction be if that happened?

Blogging Liberally: News to Ruin Your Day

1. Naomi Woolf on how Gitmo and Abu Ghraib became institutionalized sex crime rings.

2. Check out Open Left's piece about why Obama shouldn't be afraid of being called a flip-flopper. No, wait! Actually, don't!

3. Slate wonders if Al Franken's history of "racy" jokes will harm his Senate campaign; meanwhile, Sasha Baron Cohen inspires hope for the future, dread of his inevitable new catchphrase (Niiice!)

4. It seems that some Iraq vets have been drinking a little too...liberally? Sorry, we know that's kind of offensive but we just can't stop punning off of our own name...liberally!

5. Former President Bush is the best high school civics teacher ever! Except he's not functionally literate and is always trying to waterboard you during detention.

6. We Made This linked to this Flickr set of the new series of Penguin Great Ideas book covers.

Blogging Liberally: Your Daily Dose of Scary and Sad

This is what the internet is saying today:

1. Gas is still really expensive; we are still slaves to the oil companies.

2. Christopher Hitchens agreed to be waterboarded for a Vanity Fair story, which is fun to check out right after reading this article in the New York Times about how the folks at Gitmo are totally ripping off their torture techniques from Mao Zedong.

3. In the wake of his statements that he will support federally-funded faith-based initiatives, Obama meets with a bunch of right-wing Evanglists who, in turn, ask him a bunch of offensive questions.

4. There's still lots of coverage of Wesley Clark's remarks that getting shot down in a fighter plane doesn't qualify you for the presidency. Good news (?): Clark is getting some support, from Moveon and from Robert G. Gard. Bad news: The McCain people are still running this thing into the ground.

5. Truthdig has a report on the actually-kind-of-shocking discrepancy between American and Dutch drug use.

6. Conservative radio host Michael Savage calls Nancy Pelosi "Mussolini in a skirt" about forty times, makes mistake of dissing Media Matters.

7. Alternet ranked the top ten most "awesomely bad" moments of the Bush presidency, with "Mission Accomplished" as his "Sargeant Pepper."

8. Also, bears are great, am I right? MSNBC has the dish on their secret lives.

Pound it!

City Leaders Begin Registering for the National Conference

The Charlotte, NC chapter of Living Liberally city leaders to the National Conference September 5-7.

(Dick Cheney will not be wearing his hunting vest to Charlotte in September, so the proverbial ducks should be safe.)

We booked a hotel that the telecoms haven't 'bugged' yet. We've reserved a meeting space that will double as the holding cell for Rove and his buddies from the White House come January. We found an airport shuttle that runs on a clean-burning 75/25 mix of organic beer and wine. And finally, we promise to count every single Living Liberally libation drunk, er, vote cast here in Charlotte!

It's about that time, City Leaders. Register for our National Conference today!

The Search for the Ultimate McCain Video

As an intern here at Living Liberally HQ, a big chunk of my day is spent looking for John McCain stories on the internet (don't worry, I don't get paid). And since we just had our McCain-themed comedy night with guest authors Cliff Schecter and Paul Waldman, I'm coming off a week-long stretch of Google searches like "John McCain, old," "John McCain, flip-flop" and "John McCain, unflattering pictures." I've learned a lot of fun facts about old Johnny boy: he is a Virgo, his favorite movie is Some Like It Hot and he graduated high school in the same year as Fred Flintstone. But what I haven't found are consistently funny internet videos about John McCain.

Sure, I've found plenty of videos--there's the whole slew up at Brave New Films which aren't comedic, but still do a great job of making you want to move to Germany if McCain gets elected, plus droves of flashy, moderately-amusing clips like this McCain rap song (worth watching for the Chris Matthews sample) and John McCain's Spring Break Tips (cute, but the skin cancer jokes are kind of a low blow). Overall, though, I haven't been able to find that one McCain video that's, you know, worth blogging about.

However, I think the answer may lie with the man himself. Wacky McCain impersonators or Midwestern teenagers with their dads' camcorders can't touch the lunacy of the real McCain as he hurtles towards senility. I laughed hardest at this clip of McCain getting owned on Meet The Press (no Russert jokes here; I'm not a monster) and I also love watching this six-second clip of McCain babbling about sending bottled hot water to dehydrated babies over and over on a loop.

In many ways, I have come to feel as though I am Ahab and the world's funniest McCain video is my White Whale. And like Ahab, I will not rest until (spoiler alert!) my resources have been totally exhausted and the blood of both myself and my shipmates has been spilled. Or until the McCain Girls make another 80s music video parody. Because, you know. That would also be pretty funny.