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Katie Halper: Prince Harry's Diary Leaked

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Katie Halper

Prince Harry has been all over the headlines lately. Last week we--and he--learned that his five-year relationship with girlfriend, Chelsea Davy ended after Chelsea announced it on Facebook. Only weeks before that, footage of the Prince calling a fellow army cadet "Paki" was released. And today, we got our hands on the Royal's very own personal diary, which foreshadows much of the Prince's offensive behavior. The entries below from January 2005 bring us into the mind of a Nazi-uniform-sporting Prince. Come back next week for more entries from our exclusive series, The Prince Harry Diaries.


January 6

Dear Diary,

I am so excited from my mate's birthday. My friend, who is also named Harry, is turning 22 and his dad Richard Meade is throwing the party. It's a costume party. And the theme is bloody brilliant: Colonials and natives. I don't know what to be. The possibilities are endless... I could go in black face as an African. Maybe like a Congolese dude. Oooh, I'll see if William will dress up as King Leopold and hold a pair of fake hands. I would somehow have to create stumps for my hands. That would be fantastic. Or we could be an apartheid duo... What else... I could be an Indian (feather, not dot) and William could be an American and could carry a blanket and I could have pox all over my body. Of course a dot Indian and a British character would really hit home, and grandmama would love it. She always says that if we were still looking after India, "those pakis and wogs" wouldn't be killing each other.

I'll talk to Will. He loves this stuff. His own 21st birthday party was set to the theme of "Out of Africa." Maybe my cousin, Princess Michael wants to come. She would absolutely loooove the theme. She once told some loud and uppity blacks "You need to go back to the colonies." I wish I had been there to see it!

Republican Idol: The Search for America's New Top Right Wing Renaissance Man (Vote Now!)

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Katie Halper

My fellow Americans,

Some of the greatest talents in the country are undiscovered. But did you know that some of the greatest talents are in the GOP and/or Bush administration? Help us discover these unsung heroes and shatter the myth that liberals are the only creative ones. We would be remiss if we didn't take the time to honor the unsung artistic heroes of the outgoing Bush administration and outgoing GOP. And because the GOP is all about counting (certain) votes, Republican Idol counts on your civic participation. You get to vote for the nominees. (All ties will be brought to a supreme artistic council made up of impartial judges like Kid Rock, Kelsey Grammar, Drew Carey, Victoria Jackson, Patricia Heaton, and Hick Hop idol Cowboy Troy.)

Bush Will Be Remembered for His Rule of Law, Sense of Justice, and Clemency (for Turkeys)

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Katie Halper


On Thanksgiving, The Dallas Cowboys beat the Seattle Seahawks 34 to 9. And the day before, when Bush spared two innocent lives, he achieved his own victory of 16 to 1. When Bush pardoned Pumpkin AND Pecan, who were about to meet the same fate as the turkeys televised behind Sarah Palin, he could boast of having 16 presidential poultry pardons under his belt. But Bush has also compassionately conserved human life, once. During his six-year governorship and eight-year presidency, Bush has pardoned one death row inmate, denied clemency over 50 times, and signed death warrants for 155 people, many of whom were innocent, mentally retarded, juveniles, recipients of unfair trials, and/or represented by incompetent and often narcoleptic lawyers.

The New New York Times

This morning, a bunch of people got punked, receiving forwarded articles pronouncing: "Ex-Secretary Apologized for WMD Scare."

Following a day in which Bush expressed regret over "Mission Accomplished" and "Dead or Alive," it seemed plausible that Condi Rice was trying to protect her legacy too.

But when, on my way into the subway, I get handed a paper copy of the New York Times declaring "Iraq War Ends," I knew it was a prank.

A prank...except that wasn't really tricking anybody (we generally knew the war wasn't over, universal healthcare hadn't yet happened and Bush wasn't standing trial for war crimes).

A satire...except it wasn't really funny. The reactions on the subway weren't laughter.

It was a parody...that elicited hope.

This project, which seemed to be dropped on the unsuspecting public by the Yes Men, got us thinking...you know, the war could be over in and troops could start coming home in 6 months...CEO wages could be capped (especially as part of the bailout)...NYC bike lanes could be widened...and The Times editorial page could properly apologize for their complicity in the great Iraq deception.

Unlike the Onion which pokes at the truth with absurd headlines, this parody wasn't so far-fetched. The articles suggest a world that hasn't come yet, and maybe isn't immediately within reach, but is a few steps away...if we keep progressive pressure on this administration.

I saw people reading this fake paper -- not because they were tricked, nor entertained...but because it invited them to dream of the world they would wanted to see.

And who doesn't like to imagine?

This Week In Blackness - Election Night Edition

This momentous occasion deserves celebration, and with that is laughter. How many of us laughed out loud through the course of last night out of pure joy? Laughed as we embraced our friends?

Well, Laughing Liberally's Elon James White stayed up all night to cut a video to keep us laughing: the 12th episode of This Week in Blackness.

Katie Halper Does It Again

Jews for McCain. 'Nuf said.

McCain's October Surprise Memo Leaked to Press

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Lee Camp

Okay team, don't forget to dispose of this memo when you're done reading it. Anyway, clearly we need a late-October surprise. Here are the possibilities I've come up with. Some may sound outlandish, but I'm willing to do anything and spend any amount to win this bullshit election.

Election Night Central

We've gathered for the primaries. We've turned the debates into communal spectacles. Now, it's the World Series -- and you don't want to watch it alone.

We're collecting Election Night listings in one place. Stay tuned as the list grows over the next week.

Gays For McCain

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Katie Halper

Lee Camp on Good Morning America

Laughing Liberally regular Lee Camp got a chance to say good morning and tell America what he thought about the candidates' political performances: