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The Palin Doctrine: You Pay for Your Rape Kit, I'll Pay for My Tanning Bed

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying
by Katie Halper

Sarah Palin was ambushed by Charlie Gibson with a gotcha question about the Bush Doctrine. Well, maybe Palin isn't an expert on the current president's doctrine, but, as her hero Virginia Woolf would have it, the governator has a doctrine of one's own, the Palin Doctrine, which strikes a balance between governmental largess and governmental neglect.

Presenting: This Week In Blackness

It's always really cool to get the chance to plug popular culture that aims, implicitly or explicitly, to promote progressive values, but it's particularly cool when said popular culture comes from one of our Laughing Liberally comics. Elon James White, the brilliant LL-associated mind behind the Black Comedy Experiment has started a new video-blog series: This Week In Blackness, a biting examination of the latest political news directly affecting black communities - it's more than worth checking out, and given the rate with which they've been produced in the past few days, it looks like 'weekly' will be a minimum level of regularity.

Leaked: McCain's Voicemail to the New York Times

Laughing Liberally To Keep From Crying

Over at 23/6, Lee Camp unearths a voicemail recording of McCain correcting a New York Times story.

It's a sort of ironic twist of fate that just as Obama's pushback seems to be getting flimsier and flimsier, the comedic takes on McCain we're seeing throughout the internets seem to be getting sharper and sharper - as we've written before, comedy can be a great way to reframe the debate and redefine the perceptions of candidates and issues. Now, if only the campaign proper and campaign improper could get on the same page.

The Week's News in Review

Bush flip flops on Putin's soul. It seems like only yesterday that Bush said of President Vladimir Putin: "I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy and we had a very good dialogue... I was able to get a sense of his soul." Now, Bush accuses the Russian president of "bullying and intimidation." It remains unclear whether Putin has changed or Bush has bad soul-dar.

Condoleeza Rice leaks conscience to the press. [or "in rare moment, Condoleeza Rice let's conscience slip."] The Secretary of State said "military power" is "not the way to deal in the 21st century."

In a similar episode, the AP lets the truth slip, referring to Joe Lieberman as "the Democratic vice presidential prick* in 2000..."

William Kristol lies only 1/4 of the time. Since joining The New York Times Op Ed team in January, William Kristol has already forced the paper to issue four corrections. Although Kristol founded the Weekly Standard, he prefers writing for The New York Times, where
he can push the neo-con agenda, bring down Obama, and destroy the credibility of a newspaper he hates, all at the same time.

McCain's cone of silence could be confirmed by Ear, Nose and Throat doctor.
The McCain campaign insists that the presumptive Republican nominee was in a cone of silence during Rick Warren's interview of Obama. Some, however, suggest that, since McCain was traveling in his motorcade, "he may not have been in the cone of silence" and might have had "some ability to overhear" the questions. This leaves the McCain campaign in the unenviable position of holding the world's first nationally televised presidential audiological test in order to prove that the cone of silence was unnecessary because the senator is hard of hearing.

Bored with just stealing American jobs, immigrants turn to taking away our medals.

*You would think that with a last name like hers, the AP reporter, Nedra Pickler, would be more careful.

Originally posted at The Field

Homeland Security Tap Catches McCain

by Lee Camp, LeeCamp.net

McCain: 5 Reasons You Should Curb Your Enthusiasm for Curb Your Enthusiasm

When Entertainment Weekly conducted a Woodward and Bernstein-like investigation of "all the presidential candidates'" pop culture favorites, I was shocked-and-awed to learn you are a Curb Your Enthusiasm fan.

Although I disagree with your policies, I must admit I share your taste in television, which, as they say, makes strange bedfellows. So, as a fellow fan, I beg you to "curb your enthusiasm" for the show. Since your endorsement, I've been unable to think of Curb without imagining this frightening image: You are in one of your nine houses in full relaxation mode, you've kicked off your $520 Ferregamo calf skin loafers and you're curled up on the couch with Cindy (whom you just arm wrestled for the remote), snuggling under a polar-bear-fur blanket while a taxidermied bald eagle keeps vigil on the mantle with caribou heads and framed ABBA albums on the walls and you're surrounded by good friends like John Hagee, Rod Parsley and Ralph Reed --your adopted child nowhere in sight (as usual)-- everyone laughing away. I'm scared that this image will haunt me forever and prevent me from enjoying the next season, which I've been looking forward to with much excitement.

I understand that the awkward, white-haired curmudgeon who is always saying the wrong thing as his significantly younger blond wife smiles and suffers is a character with whom you can identify. But I think once you consider the aspects of the show you might have missed, or tried to repress, you'll want to retract your endorsement for the sake of your campaign, your maverick-like integrity, and your country.

John McCain Must Really Hate the Olympics

McCain's anti-Obama ads show that he sneers
when Americans cheer someone likable & popular
...boy, McCain must hate Michael Phelps.

His international policy is to go-it-alone,
& he scoffed when Germans gathered to support
an American that came in the spirit of peace.
...the torch ceremony must've made him nauseous.

He accuses Obama of elitism, though Obama
worked his way up from a humble background,
while McCain's family got him his placements
...impartial international judges must drive him crazy.

He's against enthusiasm, internationalism & meritocracy
...John McCain must really hate the Olympics.

Or maybe he wishes they were more like the old days
when men competed naked & women stayed home.

Come out to toast the Olympic spirit & global goodwill
& debate whether Obama or Phelps has the bigger fan club
as you share a night & a few drinks with fellow lefties
at your local progressive social club.

DRINKING LIBERALLY
Find - or start - a chapter near you.

The Obama Promise

This is awesome:

h/t Oliver Willis

Breaking: Ted Stevens Mental Health Update

Last week I published my diagnosis of Ted Stevens, whose clinical depression makes him unfit to stand trial. Well, luckily, it looks like some people listened to my words of wisdom and heeded my call to help, not punish, Ted. Earlier this week, When President Bush visited the Eielson Air Force Base in Alaska to speak to soldiers, W made sure to invite Stevens. Aware of the Senator's fragile state, the President showered Stevens with praise: "the United States military has had no better supporter and stronger friend than Sen. Ted Stevens." Some have criticized Bush for inviting Stevens in spite of his indictment. In all fairness, the Bush administration is used to having criminals in their midst, and if they had to change plans every time someone was accused of a crime, they would never get anything done.

But Bush isn't the only person joining me in offering Ted the support he needs. Stevens held a rally for himself at his own campaign headquarters. Stevens' mental instability has in no way affected his ability to rock out; the senator, who wore a flight jacket, brown corduroy pants and Masai Balance platform sneakers, arrived at the rally behind a convoy of leather-clad motorcyclists. Once again, Ted showed clear delusional behavior as he expressed both his innocence, and his confidence in being re-elected: "The primary is the goal right now. Help me win that primary and help me be the candidate for the Republican Party. September will take care of itself." His depression has subsided and his manic phase has begun: the spirited senator told his fans "Let me tell you my spirits are high..."

But bikers and presidents can't keep Ted's spirits high on their own! So here are 5 ways you can help Ted Stevens!

1. Have your own rally, with or without bikers: Make sure you follow the rally organizers' lead and keep the event on the DL. Don't publicize the rally or you'll have to deal with anti-Stevens protesters. A confrontation may be just the thing to drive Ted off the edge and/ or provoke an outbreak of his multiple personality disorder, in which Ted assumes the form and personality of his hero The Hulk.

2. Send Hulk gifts: Since Stevens continues to identify with the Hulk, (classic identification disorder/ multiple personality disorder) send Ted some Hulk ties, because you can never have too many. We know Ted likes to wear the ties for good luck, and he'll need clean ties and lot's of good luck for his trial. Feel free to send Hulk toys as well, to give Ted the strength that he'll need. They also provide for great street cred, in case Ted ends up in jail.

3. Send donations towards the Ted-mobile: I'm working on a hummer covered in polar bear fur which Ted will drive around Alaska as he claims his innocence and gathers support.

4. Send gas donations: Because this Ted-mobile is a real gas-guzzler.

5. Send a get well soon card: You can email them through a series of tubes or send them through snail mail. Send Ted cards of sympathy, for the death of his bill, which he still mourns, as well as cards of encouragement, support, and appreciation.