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Welcome to the Bush League: McCain, Huckabee & Romney

McCain is a guy up for endless war,
who doesn't understand the economy
but the press likes him for his "straight talk."

Huckabee's radical religious rightwingery
makes him anti-choice, anti-gay & anti-progress
but the press finds him affable and folksy.

Romney's an empty suit created by consultants,
sympathetic to corporatocracy (and to torture),
but he's considered a "businessman"
...and hey, he looks presidential.

War? Religious right? Corporate cronies?
It takes three GOP candidates combined to compete
with Bush' credentials: lousy views & lousier allies.

Straight talk? Folksiness? An MBA?
It also takes all three to share the qualities
that tricked the press into liking W the first time.

Welcome to the Bush League :
3 would-be Bushes that just aren't as good at it yet.

It makes George W. Bush all the more impressive
...he's worth three lousy candidates on his own.

But give them time to grow...
one of them could become just as bad
& trick the media just as well by the end.

Toast to contentious conservative candidates
for their work discrediting right-wing politics
as you share primary predictions & a pint
at your local, progressive social club.

DRINKING LIBERALLY
Find - or start - a chapter near you.

Happy Trent Lott Appreciation Day! But one day a year is not enough!

As if we don't already know, today is Trent Lott Appreciation Day. While this is a great step forward for mankind, Lott, featured above rocking his signature hip hop dance move, deserves so much more than one day of Appreciation. Because Lott is so much more than a mere mortal and senator. Did you know he was also

  1. a misunderstood STD: Of course Lott is an STD (Strom Thurman-defending); and outspoken segregationist. But Trent is no racist, and is as opposed to racism and Strom Thurman was opposed to miscegenation. He is actually color blind. Lamenting the Sunni/Shiite hoopla, Lott said: "It's hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what's wrong with these people. Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me." See! Like Steven Colbert, Lott doesn't even see color, or ethnicity!
  2. a salt of the earth working man One of the many exploited workers in Washington D.C., and part of the great Capitol Hill to K street migration, Lott recently left politics in search of a better life and a living wage as a lobbyist. Luckily, and purely coincidentally, by stepping down before the end of the year, Lott avoided a law, that was about to come into effect, requiring that senators wait two years after retiring before they start lobbying their former colleagues.
  3. a martyr: as if the abject poverty faced by senators weren't enough, Trent's economic woes were only worsened by Hurricane Katrina. Nobody felt Trent's pain more than the President himself, seen here either trying to hold back tears or looking at a pretty molding on the ceiling, who said:
    The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch

    Nothing represents the tragedy of Katrina, and nothing resonates with the victims of Katrina, more than when an STD (Strom Thurman-defending), and segregationist senator loses his second home.

Which is way I anoint today, not only Trent Lott Appreciation Day, but Trent Lott Community Service Day. Because we must, and can help Trent. Which is why I'm starting the Trent Lott Porch Reconstruction Fund. Together, we will rebuild that porch, stone by stone, brick by brick. And we won't stop until that wrap around Victorian porch is standing once again. Because a man's second home's porch is his castle.

Most of all, I look forward to a day when we won't even need to have a "Trent Lott Appreciation Day." Because everyday, should, and will, be "Trent Lott Appreciation Day."

Super Fat Tuesday: Polls Today, Parties Tonight

Liberal Drinkers, whomever you are for, go vote in the Primaries!

Then, tonight, revel as the results are revealed while downing a drink to democracy at a Super Fat Tuesday party.

Today is Election Day + Mardi Gras = SUPER FAT TUESDAY, a national night of gatherings.

From New York City to Colorado Springs, Nebraska to New Jersey, dozens of events will bring people together to treat election day as it should be treated -- as a holiday.

In New York, we'll be celebrating with comedians, special guests and Eating Liberally treats at The Tank. Each event is different -- though our Super Fat Tuesday site has offered bingo cards, drinking games and betting pools.

So get-out-the-vote, then celebrate the vote -- happy Super Fat Tuesday.

Romney and McCain Accuse Each Other of Having Hearts

McCain and Romney were in Florida, going on the pilgrimage to the sacred site where Bush stole the election in 2000. (All Republicans must make this visit at least once during their lives.)While in Florida, Romney and McCain also participated in a Republican debate and their own debate over who was a better conservative, as each one tried to prove that the other one was more "liberal," a better person and had functioning heart.

Iraq: Come For The Liberation, Stay For The Souvenirs

I, for one, am THRILLED to learn that though the invasion of Iraq has been a humanitarian, geo-political, economic, death and ethnic cleansing-triggering disaster, these sacrifices were not in vain. Because, although we were not greeted with roses as liberators, at least we can rest assured that the people who started the war got something out of it. No, I'm not referring to no bid contracts for Halliburton and Chevron, silly. That's hardly breaking news! I'm talking about something even better! TOTALLY AWESOME SOUVENIRS for Bush and Cheney. These are the types of souvenirs that literally have Bush and Cheney's names on them. If I didn't know better I'd think they were custom made! It turns out The moribund Vice- President keeps a piece of the house where Abu Musab al Zarqawi died on display in his house. I can only assume this piece complements Cheney's already lovely collection of architectural details of the dead, which Lyn proudly displays on the family mantle. And our cow-boots wearing, tough talking* Commander in Chief has his own "wish you were here" souvenir: a pistol U.S.soldiers pulled out of Saddam Hussein's hands, when he was liberated from his spider hole, a perfect addition to Bush's growing cowboy dress-up collection, which no longer fits in the Lincoln Bedroom.

.

If a Politician Gives a Speech, and Nobody's There to Believe...

The President delivered a State of the Union
but nobody believed a word he said,
...& it's as though the Address never happened.

A candidate ran on nothing
other than fear and the phrase "9/11,"
...& it's as though Rudy 9iu11ani never existed.

A party doesn't stand for anything
so its candidates duck, dodge & dig up dirt
...& McCain & Romney are just white noise.

But Obama & Clinton -- who'd both been criticized
for not standing by convictions with actions or votes
-- both showed up for the domestic spying fight in DC
(while McCain stayed on the campaign trail)
...and their supporters, and the nation, noticed.

And Edwards, in dropping out, made one last case
for the candidates to pledge to combat poverty...
& left the race having had impact on it.

A reminder to all: stand for what you believe in,
or else the American people will be leaving.

And a warning: if a politician gives a speech
& nobody's there to believe, does it make a sound?

Ask 9iu11iani...he's now got the time to answer.

Raise a glass to the ideas Edwards raised
& down a pint to the downfall of Rudy
as you share ideas and a couple pitchers
at your local progressive social club.

DRINKING LIBERALLY
Find - or start - a chapter near you.

Because Rudy Has Left the Building

Given the events in Florida, the city that gave Rudy to the world, is elated to welcome him home...because at least it means he won't be going to DC.

THE RUDY RETIREMENT PARTY
No party ever wants him as a member

Share the sweet taste of hubris-laid-low
with a sip of schadenfreude as we celebrate
the early retirement of Rudy 9iu11iani
& dance on his political grave.

Rudy has climaxed his political power play
& that's reason for New Yorkers to party
at a bar called Rudy's, of course.

Hosted by Drinking Liberally

Who:
Progressive partisans and partiers,
& New Yorkers who waited for this day.

What:
A reason to raise your glass high
as hubris and the voters of Florida lay Rudy low.
Once they got to know him, the rest of America felt
the same way about him New Yorkers felt for years.

Where:
Rudy's Bar - (what could be better?)
home of the original Drinking Liberally
9th Ave btw 44th & 45th
backyard, in the heated tent

When:
Thursday, 1/31
7:30 onward (at least midnight)

How:
Through everything Rudy couldn't stand:
artistic expression, free speech & public joy.

Want More?
Justin Krebs
justin (at) drinkingliberally.org

Bush's Last Dance

The State of the Union is that peculiar time of year when President Bush's advisors get "creative": Mars! Human-animal hybrids! Hydrogen-powered cars! And could forget the classic uranium-from-Niger?

What will Bush's contribution be this year? A distraction or a deception? A lie or a laugh? While we can't know everything he'll say, we know some of it: which is what allows our friends to create the ever-dependable "State of the Union Drinking Game."

Whether you're sipping at "Freedom," taking a shot at references to Middle East peace, or gulping when the camera shows Ted Kennedy, drinking is just about the only way to watch Bush's Last Dance.

And if you want to watch with friends, check out whether your local Drinking Liberally chapters is hosting a watch party (in New York, we'll be at DCTV in Chinatown).

Make your predictions in the comments, download the game, and get good and liquored up for an evening that recognizes all good things come to an end...and so will the Bush Administration.

Plus, enjoy a cartoonish observation from Laughing Liberally's Lee Camp: