Marco Rubio can't justify his tax plans,
so he attacks the media instead.
Ted Cruz can't cruise past his rivals,
so he sends cruise missiles at the moderators.
Ben Carson denies he has any relationship
to a supplement for which he's a paid endorser.
Chris Christie's most memorable moment
was a rant about fantasy sports.
Donal Trump claims he carries a concealed weapon
-- but only sometimes, so he can be unpredictable.
Jeb Bush may have claimed something,
but America lost interest every time he opened his mouth.
Huckabee. Fiorina. Rand Paul. Kasich.
They use Planned Parenthood as a bogeyman,
Hillary Clinton as an insult,
and all hate the federal government so much,
it's astonishing they want to run it.
Their stances are scary, their rhetoric scarier,
and the prospect of any of them winning is terrifying.
The GOP candidates are ready for Halloween
-- and the lot of them are Hollow Weenies.
Share a fright, a delight and a political night
as you toast and roast over news and views
at your local, progressive social club.
Find - or start - a chapter near you.